It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
