My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
