You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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