I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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