Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
