her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i think i just lost a toe
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
