He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
