were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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