the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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