I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
