I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
