what day is it and did you see me today?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
