God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
