Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
