And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
