I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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