kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
