I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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