Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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