my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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