I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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