Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
