My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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