Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
