Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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