Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
