he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
