I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
why is half of my head shaved?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
