Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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