Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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