does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
