More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize