doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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