I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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