My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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