At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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