How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
