i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
