i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
