hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
