You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
