I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
