The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are we still banned from the library?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
