Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
