It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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