I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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