Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
