In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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