Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
