Buhtt sex?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
