I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
