No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
